| December 12th, 2023
Decentering Men and Rediscovering Our Value
By: Tianna Fannel
Learning and Unlearning
As young girls grow up, they witness women around them encounter struggles related to self-worth. While some confidently acknowledged their value, others struggled with inner battles to recognize it.
These varied experiences, whether openly taught or subconsciously absorbed, have left a lasting impact on many women today. Their environment played a significant role in shaping their perspectives. Society often places women into roles that cater to men. When women redirect their focus inward, prioritizing their aspirations and self-discovery, what happens?
What if the conversation shifts away from the male gaze, emphasizing fostering friendships, pursuing career goals, and self-discovery? Despite moments of empowerment—like the recent inspiration from the Barbie movie—these discussions often fade quickly.
For many women, life seems to come to a stop without a significant other. However, the season of being single shouldn’t solely revolve around seeking a partner; it should focus on self-discovery.
The Influence of Consciousness
Decentering men does not diminish the importance of men in our lives or society; rather, it redirects the focus onto our own narratives, experiences, and aspirations. It involves acknowledging the systemic influences that have perpetuated male-centered ideologies and reclaiming the agency to define and validate our own values.
The journey of decentering men begins with self-reflection and introspection. As women, we must challenge the narratives that limit our potential, question the societal constructs that confine us, and disrupt the patterns that perpetuate our marginalization. This process requires courage, resilience, and a steadfast commitment to unravel the layers of conditioning that have shaped our beliefs and behaviors.
Statistics consistently show that women thrive when they aren’t solely centered on men. According to Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead,” resisting societal norms prioritizing men’s perspectives empowers women to shape their destinies and define success independently.
Conversations among friends should transcend the sole focus on men. By fostering supportive communities where women uplift and champion each other, empowering their voices and celebrating individuality, we create spaces for diverse discussions. Encouraging dialogue on business, hobbies, and personal identities, free from men’s influence, is crucial.
When women globally invest in their own growth, their potential knows no bounds. It’s not about resenting men; rather, it’s about embracing individual authenticity and recognizing personal value.
Glennon Doyle’s “Untamed” advocates for redefining paths, ethical decision-making, and navigating relationships beyond traditional gender roles. She explains embracing one’s genuine self without external validation is liberating and empowering.
Reclaiming one’s energy and redirecting it from trauma to peace is essential on this journey. It’s about rediscovering desires without pain. Starting with self-love and identifying what brings happiness, be it poetry, painting, sports, cooking, or travel. Engaging in shadow work involves exploring hidden or unconscious aspects of one’s personality. This process aids in uncovering behaviors that are deeply rooted in societal norms.
Understanding Carl Jung’s statement, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate,” emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in breaking free from societal norms. Decentering men enables women to embrace their true selves, explore their energies, and not just the aspects men prefer.
Investing in the Single Season
Celibacy can be embraced during this life phase. Beyond its religious associations, celibacy nurtures self-reflection, emotional healing, and inner growth. This phase enables individuals to establish healthy boundaries, redirect their attention to personal development, and foster self-esteem. Consider it as a way to honor your sacred self without compromising your essence merely to have someone in your life.
Embracing the single season of life rather than waiting for a partnership is an investment in oneself. It’s about liberating oneself from the shadow of men, focusing on understanding and cherishing one’s worth rather than seeking external validation. By channeling energy into personal growth and fostering self-love, one can authentically embrace their individual value.
In an article written by Crystal Rapolr and medically reviewed by Alex Klein titled ‘Who Am I? How to Find Your Sense of Self,’ it highlighted that awareness of personal values plays a significant role in defining one’s sense of self.
Values represent the traits that individuals prioritize in themselves or others, such as empathy, honesty, trustworthiness, and kindness, among others. This understanding can influence one’s perspective on relationships with men; knowing one’s worth might discourage rushing into painful love if it compromises personal values.
Journaling acts as a powerful tool for self-discovery, enabling you to document your thoughts and emotions.
As an exercise in forgiveness, begin by writing down moments where you prioritized a man’s needs over your own. Reflect on these instances, extend forgiveness to yourself, and symbolically release this energy by burning the paper where you’ve recorded these experiences.
This symbolic act marks the initial step in your transformative journey. Remember you are human, shaped by learned behaviors. Unlearning these habits demands patience as you navigate the journey toward decentering men and valuing yourself.
